The Moment

I can't remember there being a time where I "lived in the moment".  Truthfully I don't think I know how to.  How can you be excited about what is happening RIGHT NOW...when there is so much fear about the future?  Everyone wants this picture perfect life, but we all know it doesn't exist.  When life isn't what I want it to be I start asking myself what did I do to deserve this?  Is this Karma?  Nothing ever comes easy and that will never change.  If things are going well how can you not say to yourself  "this is to good to be true"?  How do you live in the moment when you know the moment won't last forever.  Is this "moment" the calm before the storm?  If so what will happen when the storm passes?

Is that a baby?

We tend to get upset when people point out what you have been thinking. This past Sunday my mother looked at me and told me I looked pregnant.  The good thing is I AM NOT, but I have grown a food baby that is now entering its third trimester.  But this made me start to think.  How many other people think this but don't have a big mouth like my mother?  Do I get angry at my mom, or thank her for pointing out the obvious??

Twist and Turns

Just when you realize you are ready to turn your life around little things happen to prove it won't be easy.  It started after my fried food binge Monday night.  I received a phone call from a friend who has not been in my life for quite sometime.  To be honest I haven't missed this person at all.  She never really brought anything to our friendship, and always found a way to make me feel like a piece of crap.  She told me she was calling because she is hitting 30 and realized I was the only friend she could see in her bridal party.  A little side note... shes not even engaged.  I found it funny that this was the only reason why she "missed me".  I summed it up to the fact that her nasty, self centered ways had finally made her a lonely person with no one to turn to and no one to walk down her imaginary aisle on her imaginary wedding day.  Now I have her sending daily texts trying to make plans, and catch up.  Great, I have to stick to my "getting my life together" plan while dodging people who bring me down. 

This along with my Father making a surprise visit at my job the following day has my head spinning!  My Father has won the "worst father of the year award" for the last twenty something years.  So what did I do this morning to get back on track?  I finished the last 2 chewy chocolate chip cookies that belonged to my 7 year old cousin.  I knew he would be disappointed to wake up and see that they had disappeared, but these twists and turns needed to end.  What a perfect ending... the pantry in my kitchen.

I never said it would be easy...

Well it has only been a few hours since I started this thing, and I have no idea if anyone is even reading this. But I am finding it very easy to share my thoughts. Especially when people think I have nothing to say and roll their eyes when I try to explain why I am doing this.

Getting it together... this is what this is all about. And how did I get it together tonight?
Blue Moon, Chicken Fingers, and French Fries! I did however feel good about myself when I ordered a water with lemon.  The last 24 hours have been 75% failure, 24% yummy, and 1% exercise.  I am realizing I need to start small.

Waking Up

For quite some time I have felt a bit underwhelmed with life. Feeling like I have not accomplished much in my twenty something years on this planet. Feeling that I am getting closer to 30, and may be in the same place I was at 21. From the outside I look healthy... sort of. Everyone sees this 110 pound girl, and thinks she looks great. FALSE! I feel like a 40 year old woman who is going through early menopause, and a mid life crisis at the same time. I am mooshy, weak, tired, and moody. I also use webmd to diagnose every ache and pain in my body. So far according to webmd I have suffered from infertility, lupus, throat cancer, brain tumors and so much more. On a serious note I realized I had to start taking care of myself when my anxiety started to take control of my body, and now I am a ball of nerves who is out of shape and ready to have a mental breakdown. Oh mid 20's how I loathe you.

So on June 5, 2011 it happened. My loving boyfriend took a not so flattering picture of me. Try to imagine this... head in my pillow, butt in the air, and severe plumbers crack. Why was I in this position? GAS BUBBLE. I looked at the picture in horror. And then I realized. Time to start eating healthy, get in shape, and get my life where I want it to be. I am the only one who has full control of this situation, and I plan on sharing this experience with anyone who wants to listen.

Goals to accomplish at 20 something:

1. Start something and finish it. The only time I have finished something I started was this past lent. The only reason I finished ... I was scared the almighty lord would do something to punish me for drinking soda, and eating french fries. Ohhh how I love those fries. Longest 40 days ever, but I made the big man proud. I also have not been to church in 15 years, but I felt good that I didn't cheat.
   


2. GET MY ASS IN SHAPE. I really don't need to go into this much further. I recruited my boyfriend as my drill Sargent so this should be interesting. 8 crunches in the last 24 hours.
   


3. Find my dream job...

This should be an exciting journey.... stay tuned.